The Closet
by Raine Is Crazy
Summary: There is a dispute over who tripped who. Who insulted who. Who yelled at who. Who locked them all in the closet and therefore subjected all three of them to the company of Malfoy for hours. This should be fun.
1. Introductions All Around

**Disclaimer: For this chapter and for all the other chapters – I. Own. No. One. Okay????  
  
Summary: Hermione gets trapped in a closet with Harry and Ron and – ::giggle:: well, you'll find out who else.  
**

**A/N: Hello!!!!!!!! I'm extremely hyper. Like, so hyper it's not even FUNNY. Well, it is. But nevermind. READ AND REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

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"Watch where you're – EEK!!!!!!!"  
  
"AAH!!!!!!!"  
  
"UUG!!!!!!!"  
  
"Oh, great! Come on, we have to get out of here. Open the door."  
  
"What? It's bloody dark in here, 'Mione, how're we supposed to see?"  
  
"Hermione, we can't see a thing any more than you can. Ron, bang on the door, see if someone will hear."  
  
"Me? Why me?"  
  
"Because you're closest to the door!"  
  
"Oh. Right."  
  
::bang bang bang::  
  
"Uh, no one's coming."  
  
"Well of COURSE they're not! It's class time now! Oh, no we're late, we're going to be in so much trouble ..."  
  
"No we're not, it's not our fault if we get stuck in a closet, 'Mione –"  
  
"Oh, DO be quiet for once, Ron!"  
  
"Why should I?"  
  
"Because you're a big loudmouth and annoying to boot!"  
  
::sigh:: "Cut it OUT, you two. Honestly, you're like children."  
  
"Yeah, well, if he wasn't such a prat –"  
  
"Me? A prat? Look who's talking, bookworm!"  
  
::sigh::  
  
"I am NOT a bookworm!"  
  
::snort:: "Oh, sure you're not. And I'm the King of England."  
  
"Shut UP, Ron!"  
  
"Make me!"  
  
"UGH!"  
  
"Ugh yourself!"  
  
"You're so immature!"  
  
"Thank you!"  
  
::rolls eyes:: "'Mione, Ron, PLEASE shut up so we can think of how to get out of here ..."  
  
"NO!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
::sigh::  
  
"You're such a pig, too!"  
  
"Am not!"  
  
"All you ever think about is your stomach!"  
  
"It is NOT!'  
  
"Is too!"  
  
"IS NOT!"  
  
"IS TOO!"  
  
"Would you two SHUT UP?!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Honestly, if you're going to lock us in a closet, at LEAST let us vent our frustration, Harry!"  
  
"ME? I wasn't the one who got us in here, it was Ron who tripped."  
  
"Hermione tripped me!"  
  
"I most certainly did not!"  
  
"Ron, you tripped over Malfoy's foot. And then knocked into me and got us all in here."  
  
"I did NOT trip over Malfoy's foot!"  
  
"You did too, you self-centred –"  
  
"Do you two EVER stop fighting?"  
  
"I would if he would stop being such a –"  
  
"Not if she's going to be so –"  
  
"Shh, I think I hear footsteps! Ron, listen. Is anyone outside the door?"  
  
"OI! IN HERE!"  
  
"RON!"  
  
"What if it's Snape, eh?"  
  
::door bursts open::

(all three) "MALFOY!"  
  
"Oh, hello, Scarface, Weasel, Mudblood."  
  
"SHUT UP!"  
  
"Be quiet!"  
  
::sigh:: "What do you want now, Ferret Boy?"  
  
"To push you back into there and lock it."  
  
"BUT – agh!"  
  
"HEY!"  
  
::door slams shut and locks magically::

"Oh, GREAT! NOW look at what you three have done!"  
  
"MALFOY'S IN HERE?!"  
  
"Get him!"  
  
::Hermione presses herself against the wall::  
  
::Harry tackles Malfoy::  
  
::Ron lands on Harry::  
  
"Hey, get OFF ME!"  
  
"Ron?"  
  
"Harry?"  
  
"Potter?"  
  
"Ferret Boy?"  
  
"Get off me, you two Mudblood-lovers!"  
  
"WHAT DID YOU CALL HER, YOU –"  
  
::Ron punches Harry in the shoulder, aiming for Malfoy::  
  
"OW! Ron, that's ME!"  
  
"Oh. Sorry."  
  
::Ron punches Malfoy in the face::  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!"  
  
::Harry gets off Malfoy::  
  
"Get away from me, Scarface!"  
  
"I AM, that's RON."  
  
"Oh, the Weasel?"  
  
"SHUT UP MALFOY!"  
  
"Do you boys mind not yelling quite so loud? I'm getting a headache."  
  
"Oh, poor Mudblood Granger."  
  
::sigh:: "We can't go for a minute without yelling at each other."  
  
"What is it with you and your 'no yelling,' Potter?"  
  
"I don't have a 'no yelling.'"  
  
"What are you talking about? You just went on and on about it to US!"  
  
"Yeah! Whenever anyone's yelling, you tell us all to shut up!"  
  
"You're doing it again."  
  
"DOING WHAT?!?!"  
  
"Yelling."  
  
"SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"I'm not the one yelling now, am I?"  
  
"... What's that?"  
  
"What's WHAT?"  
  
"That NOISE."  
  
"WHAT noise?"  
  
"... THAT noise!"  
  
"Ron, you're hearing things! There is no noise and no one knows what you're talking about."  
  
"Listen."  
  
::silence::  
  
"THAT noise there."  
  
"WHAT noise WHERE?"  
  
::sigh:: "Would you two PLEASE shut up?"  
  
"I feel very left out."  
  
"No one cares, Ferret Boy."  
  
"THAT NOISE!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"What, Ferret Boy?"  
  
"That sniffling."  
  
::silence::  
  
"SNIFFLING?"  
  
"Yes, sniffling."  
  
"What on EARTH are you on about NOW, Ron?"  
  
"THAT SNIFFLING!!!!!! IT'S DRIVING ME MAD!!!!!!!"  
  
::sniffle::  
  
::gasp:: "Oh my goodness! There IS sniffling!"  
  
"I TOLD you."  
  
"Stop bickering, both of you."  
  
"Who's sniffling?"  
  
"No one."  
  
"I am!"  
  
"Shut up, Ferret Boy."  
  
"But I thought you wanted to know who was sniffling."  
  
"No one asked YOU!"  
  
"But –"  
  
"SHUT UP!"  
  
"Fine."  
  
"I said shut UP."  
  
"Ron, DO be quiet."  
  
"What, now you're on HIS side?!?! The world's turned upside down!"  
  
"Why do you all feel SO compelled to yell?"  
  
"SHUT! UP!! HARRY!!!"  
  
"FINE then."  
  
"THANK you!!!"  
  
"Welcome."  
  
::long silence::  
  
"Wonder why no one talks when I've shut up."  
  
"Oh, shut up."  
  
"I DID. Then you all got BORING and stopped TALKING."  
  
"Boring, am I?!?! First I'm called a bookworm by RON, then I'm called boring by YOU –"  
  
"Mudblood."  
  
"HEY!!"  
  
"HEY!!"  
  
::Harry and Ron punch Malfoy::  
  
"OW!!!!!!!!!!!! I was JUST trying to fit in!!!!!!!"  
  
"... WHAT?"  
  
"You'd both insulted her, I felt left out."  
  
::Harry, Ron and Hermione smack their foreheads::  
  
::sigh::  
  
"Idiot."  
  
"Dolt."  
  
"Ferret Boy."

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**-----((A/N: HEHEHE!!!!!!!! I'm hyper. ::giggle:: Heheheheheheheheheeeeeee!!! Yes, I'll get around to updating my other stories too. I WILL, just you see. And I posted a few new chapters on 'Three For the Price of One' the other day too. For now, though ...  
  
REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	2. The Beginnings of a Game

**Disclaimer: Don't own em, don't want em. That's a complete lie. I want em. I just don't own em.  
  
Hello, everyone. New chapter up. I hope you find it funny. I sure as hell did writing it. Hehehe. ;)  
  
Enjoy!  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------**  
  
"Hey, I have an idea, let's play truth or dare."  
  
"Hey, I have an idea, let's not."  
  
"OHH DIS!!!!!!"  
  
"Okay Ron ..."  
  
"Can I play too?"  
  
"No, Ferret Boy!"  
  
"Hey! It's my game, I say who plays!"  
  
"Well, can I, then?"  
  
"... Yes."  
  
"Sit over here, 'Mione, don't let Malfoy molest you."  
  
"I take that offensively."  
  
"Serves you right."  
  
"Bookworm."  
  
"Prat."  
  
"PLEASE shut up? Please? I'm only asking ..."  
  
::glares:: "Fine. But only if HE does too."  
  
::glares:: "Only if you do first!"  
  
"You first!"  
  
::sigh::  
  
"Can we play now?"  
  
"Shut up! No one asked you, Ferret Boy. But YES, we can. Okay, I'll go first. Hermione, truth or dare?"  
  
...  
  
"HERMIONE, TRUTH OR DARE?!?!"  
  
"What?"  
  
::rolls eyes:: "WHY AREN'T YOU PAYING ATTENTION?!"  
  
::stares dreamily into space:: "I was lost in those big beautiful eyes ... OH CRAP did I say that out LOUD?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"  
  
::everyone nods::  
  
::blushing like mad:: "Well, it was just a daydream. It could have been ... HEDWIG'S eyes I was lost in."  
  
"You have a crush on my owl?"  
  
"Oh, bloody hell, Hermione, truth or dare?!"  
  
"From who?"  
  
"ME! HARRY!"  
  
"Oh. Okay. Um ... truth."  
  
::cough:: "CHICKEN." ::cough::  
  
"Shut up, Ferret Boy. Now, ask away, Harry."  
  
"Who do you fancy?"  
  
::gasp:: "HARRY!!!! HOW DARE YOU!!!!!!"  
  
"You fancy Harry?"  
  
"NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
--bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzwhirr--  
  
"Hey, my Sneakoscope's going off ... HERMIONE YOU LIE!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"NO FAIR!!!"  
  
"You can't lie in truth or dare Hermione. Who do you like?"  
  
"YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!!!!!"  
  
"Wanna bet?" ::pulls out wand::  
  
"ALL RIGHT ALL RIGHT I'LL TALK!!!!!!!!!!!! OH GOD!!!!!! There's no getting out of this is there?"  
  
(everyone) "No."  
  
" OKAYILIKEHARRYMYTURNNOWRONTRUTHORDARE?!?!"  
  
::oO::  
  
"Say it again slower."  
  
"Okay-I-like-Harry-my-turn-now-Ron-truth-or-dare??!!!!!!!!"  
  
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!!!"  
  
"SHUT UP, FERRET BOY!!!!!!!"  
  
"You fancy ME?!?!"  
  
"IT'S RON'S TURN NOW, TRUTH OR DARE?!?!?!?!" ::beet red::  
  
::snicker::  
  
"SHUT UP!"  
  
"I'm not afraid. Dare."  
  
"I dare you to snog Malfoy."  
  
::oO:: "WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!"  
  
"You heard me now GO!!!!!"  
  
"NO WAY!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"NO WAY AM I LETTING THE WEASEL COME NEAR ME!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"IT'S THE RULES!!!!!!!! NOW GET GOING!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"But – but HERMIONE!!!!! You can't possibly – NO!!!!!!"  
  
"You have to, mate."  
  
"Or what???!!!?!?!"  
  
"Or I let Luna give you a makeover, Ron Weasley!"  
  
::oO::  
  
"Come on."  
  
"Nooooooooooo!!!"  
  
"RULES ARE RULES!!!!!!!! NOW GO AND GET SNOGGING, DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!"  
  
::oO::  
  
"Whoa."  
  
::beet red:: "Hey!!! Look at what I just had to do!!!!!! If I have to do THAT, then RON has to snog HIM!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Oh yeah, speaking of which, how long have you fancied me?"  
  
"OH BE QUIET!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Yeesh. Thought you LIKED me."  
  
::gets up:: "All right, all right, I'm going."  
  
"ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
(everyone) "Shut up, Ferret Boy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"You have NO SAY in this!!!!!!!!!!! It was MY dare and I dared RON!!!!!!!!! Now, go on, Ron, get!!!!"  
  
::red faced:: "Fine." ::kisses Malfoy on cheek::  
  
"AWWWWWWWW, GROOSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"... So. You fancy me."  
  
"Will you stop SAYING IT???!!!!"  
  
"No, I'm rather enjoying it."  
  
"HARRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
::grins::  
  
::glares::  
  
::furious wiping noises::  
  
"Oh, that was THE most disgusting thing I've EVER done."  
  
"YOU??!!!! What about ME??!!!! GOOD GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BLECCHHHH!!!"  
  
"Oh, shut up, Ferret Boy. No one asked you."  
  
::snicker::  
  
"Shut up, Harry."  
  
::snicker::  
  
"UGH!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Ugh INDEED."  
  
"Shut up, Ferret Boy."  
  
"Okay, it's Ron's turn now. Ron, go."  
  
"Harry, truth or dare?"  
  
"Dare."  
  
"Snog Hermione."  
  
"WHAT?!?!?!"  
  
"You said dare, mate." ::grins::  
  
::beet red:: "But – but –" ::sputters::  
  
"Are all the dares from now on going to involve snogging?"  
  
"SHUT UP, FERRET BOY!!!!!"  
  
"I should HOPE not."  
  
"Well, Harry? Go on!"  
  
"NO!!!!!!"  
  
"Oh, just do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It won't be that bad!!! For god's sake, I had to snog FERRET BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"DON'T REMIND ME, WEAS–"  
  
"Shut up, Ferret Boy."  
  
"Well, are you going to follow through with the dare or not, mate?"  
  
::grumbles::  
  
"Do I HAVE to??"  
  
"YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Go on, Potter."  
  
"Shut up, Ferret Boy."  
  
"Hermione, you've been awfully quiet lately. What's up?"  
  
"NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!" ::beet red::  
  
"Ohhh, you're nervous about snogging Harry, eh?"  
  
"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??!!!!!"  
  
"Oh, so you're NOT nervous, then?"  
  
"SHUT UP, RON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
::grins:: "Go on, then."  
  
"How long?"  
  
"How long what?"  
  
"How long do we have to SNOG, dammit??!!!"  
  
"Oh. Heh heh heh. Ahh ... thirty seconds."  
  
"WHAT???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"WHAT???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"You have to. I dared you!!!! It's the RULES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"This one I've got to see."  
  
"Too bad it's pitch black in here, then, Ferret Boy."  
  
"Get on with it, you two!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
::kissing noises::  
  
"Wish I could see. This should be interesting."  
  
"Shut up and listen then, Ferret Boy."  
  
::more kissing noises::  
  
"Okay, thirty seconds are up."  
  
::more kissing noises::  
  
"GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thirty seconds were up ten seconds ago!!!"  
  
"Oh. Heh. Whoops." ::grins::  
  
::blushes:: "You never said when the thirty seconds were up, Ron."  
  
"Ohhh, yes I did. Didn't I, Ferret Boy?"  
  
"Much as I HATE to agree with you, Weasel, you DID say it."  
  
"Shut up, Ferret Boy!!!"  
  
"He speaks the truth for once, Harry. You two snogged for ten whole seconds AFTER I said you could stop!!!" ::grins::  
  
"Oh, shut up Ron."  
  
"Oh, shut up Ron."  
  
"Jeez!!! Now you're even saying the same thing at the same time!!!"  
  
"Shut UP, Ron!!!"  
  
"Anyway, it's my turn again now. Ferret Boy, truth or dare?"  
  
"Dare."  
  
"Hmmm ... I dare you to ... recite two lines from Shakespeare."  
  
"Who's Shakespeare?"  
  
"HAH!!!!!!!!!!! If you can't do it, you must face the consequences!!!"  
  
"Ah, come on, Potter!! It's not MY fault I don't know it!!!"  
  
"PAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Rubbish!! Everyone knows who Shakespeare is, Ferret Boy!"  
  
"Exactly. Thank you, 'Mione."  
  
::blush::  
  
"You're probably blushing now, aren't you?"  
  
"SHUT UP RON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
::snicker::  
  
"Go on then, Ferret Boy. If you can't, then you have to snog Ron again."  
  
"HEY!!!!!!"  
  
"HA- RRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" ::glares furiously::  
  
"Heh heh heh."  
  
"All right all right I might have heard something once ..." ::clears throat:: "Ahem. Uh ... Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo? Refuse thy father and deny my name. Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love and I'll no longer be a Capulet. Or something. Right?"  
  
"HEEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHE!!!!!!!! You were reciting Juliet's lines ... HAHAHA!!"  
  
::shrug:: "I dunno. Sounds good. Your turn, then, Ferret Boy."  
  
"EXCELLENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Payback time. Potter, truth or dare?"  
  
"Ah ... dare."  
  
"Snog the Weasel."  
  
"WHAT????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"NO MORE SNOGGING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Too bad. If you don't, you have to snog the Mudblood."  
  
"Now THAT I wouldn't mind doing."  
  
::blush:: ::giggle::  
  
::kissing noises::  
  
"This isn't working out as I'd hoped."  
  
"Don't worry, Ferret Boy. They'll be done soon."  
  
::more kissing noises::  
  
"I think."  
  
::more kissing noises:  
  
"Uh, Harry? 'Mione?"  
  
::more kissing noises::  
  
"Ahh ... guys?"  
  
::more kissing noises::  
  
"KNOCK IT OFF ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"How big is this closet?"  
  
"How random of you, Harry."  
  
"Thanks, Ron. Now, how big is it?"  
  
"It's pretty small."  
  
"No one asked YOU, Ferret Boy."  
  
"But –"  
  
"ANY-way, how big is it?"  
  
::gets up and walks to one end:: "Here's one end ..." ::walks to the other end:: "Huh. It's pretty big, actually!! How odd."  
  
"Oh, good. Now, you and Ferret Boy go sit at THAT end, and 'Mione and I can sit at THIS end." ::moves to one end::  
  
"Um ... Harry?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I DON'T WANT TO SIT WITH HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Oh. Oh well."  
  
::kissing noises::  
  
"Ah, damn." 


	3. Ron and Malfoy's Discussion

**Disclaimer: Already said it, ain't gonna again.**

**A/N: Hello!!!! I'm hyper again. Just thought I'd take advantage of it and write some silly dialogue between the four of our favourite characters. As they're stuck in a closet. And Harry and 'Mione have sort of hooked up. And Malfoy and Ron are disgusted with just about everything going on. And you'll find out more soon. Read 'n review!!!!!!!! D**

"... So. What're you two doing down there, eh?"

::kissing noises::

"God, that's getting annoying."

"I'll say."

"That's odd. You agreed with me."

"Odd indeed."

"I hate you."

"I hate you too, Weasel."

"Shut up, Ferret Boy."

"Make me."

"Grown an attitude, have you?"

"Been practising for weeks."

"I'll bet you have."

::rolls eyes::

"Are you two DONE yet?!"

"No."

"I didn't ask you, Ferret Boy."

"Shut up, Weasel."

"You know, calling me that is getting really old."

"No more so than Ferret Boy."

"Shut up, Malfoy."

::gasp:: "Now _that's_ original!"

"Again – shut _up_, Malfoy. Or do you _prefer_ Ferret Boy?"

"No, just Ferret is fine."

"All right then. Ferret."

"Weasel."

"Oh, my GOD!"

"What? You hear someone outside that will let me out of this hellhole?"

"YOU ... ME ... WE HAVE ... oh, I'll never live this down!"

"Spit it out, Weasel."

"Ferret."

"Weasel."

"Ferret."

"We- oh, my GOD!"

"SEE?! YOU SEE IT TOO?!"

"I SEE IT!!! I SEE IT!!!"

"OH GOD!!!"

"OH _GOD_!!!"

"Okay. Calm down!!! We have to be calm. I'll just call you Malfoy."

"And I'll call you Weasel. Weasley. Whatever."

"No need to freak out."

"None at all."

::shudder::

::shudder::

"GOD!!!"

"UGH!!!"

"How can we not have seen that before?!"

"I dunno about you, but I have reached a new level of unobservant-ness."

"Indeed you have."

"I saw it before you did, mate."

"You –"

::claps hand to mouth:: "I did NOT just call you that."

"You did."

"I didn't mean to."

"You'd better not have!!!"

"I have to wash out my mouth with soap and water!!! UGH!!!!!!!"

"First we discover that our not-so-fond nicknames for each other are almost the SAME RODENT, and THEN you call me MATE!!! What IS this?!?!"

"I think it's the air in this damned closet."

"Hmm. You could be right."

"... NOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"What?"

"WE'RE EVEN AGREEING WITH EACH OTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"... NOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


End file.
